5 Greatest Concerns

1. Is the introduction engaging to the audience?

2. Are all my reasons valid?

3. Is there enough evidence to support my reasons?

4. Is the conclusion convincing and does it do a good job at wrapping up the argument?

5. Are all the sources cited properly? (In-text citations as well as Works Cited)

First Page of Core 4

A summer job at your local amusement park sounds like a fun way to spend your teenage summers. That was not the story however, for several African American teenagers at Six Flags American in Largo Maryland. They were enjoying their jobs for a long period of time until suddenly one day, they were fired. Their manager told them that their hairstyles were inappropriate for the theme park. The general manager, Mr. Terry Prather, recently gave the workers an appearance guideline handbook. The book states that long braids are not an acceptable hairstyle for employees and that Six Flags required a more all-American look (Gordon).

With all the restrictions placed on employees concerning their images, many people cannot even be considered for a position in the theme parks. If the companies were to change these policies, the parks could have more candidates for positions. A person who is an excellent worker yet has a visible tattoo or dyed hair is a much better choice than a candidate who lacks passion and work ethic yet fits the image guidelines flawlessly. Theme parks need to hire thousands of people each year. They could possibly be hiring mediocre workers. If they let more people be considered for positions, the companies would have more options and varieties of employees.

Once the theme parks hired all these new types of employees, there would be so many different types of people to give the companies new and innovative ideas. When people who are more confident with their self-expressionism begin to work at theme parks, the companies are sure to boost in creativity. The theme park’s Research and Development departments are constantly thinking of new rides, attractions, parades, restaurants, even signs and posters. By hiring the stereotypically creative people, new suggestions for these mentioned theme park paraphernalia would be proposed.

Prompt 10!

Film makers are very particular in the first ten minutes of shooting. I watched the first few minutes of an episode of Gossip Girl, on the CW and observed some things that I would not have noticed before. The first thing Gossip Girl does is show the audience clips from the last few episodes for forty seconds to make a montage of flowing scenes to keep you up to date on what is happening in the show. This captures my attention because I start to remember exactly what happened previously and the story now comes together again. Afterwards, they play the opening sequence for the next ten seconds; this basically just shows the title of the show. The next nine plus minutes is the actual show. The show is left on a major cliff hanger before the commercial break. The narrator does not reveal what will come next and leave the audience wanting more and anticipating what is next.

One song that I find to persistently in my head after I hear it is Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’. The song opens with Gaga singing a portion of the chorus. It is then followed by the hook of “Ra-ra ah-ah-ah, roma ro-ma-ma, gaga oh-la-la...” that most everyone knows. After that, drum beats and keyboard is added. Then, Gaga sings the infamous chorus. Listeners are so intrigued by the song that they stay and listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrtr4_6acUk


There are a few different choices on how to begin an essay. There is anecdotal, subject, critical, significance, historical, and argumentative. I could begin my Core 4 with a subject opening, telling the story of someone who has gone through the struggles of theme park appearance guidelines, much like my illustration of the problem. I could open with a critical opening and explain my thesis statement. One way I would not want to open my essay is anecdotal. The point of our topic selections was to choose what we wanted to do in the future so writing about our experiences in the field now would be unconstructive.

Prompt 9

Thesis Statement:
Some major theme parks do not allow employees to promote individualism therefore, the human resources department needs to fix their appearance guidelines in order to hire people with many different looks and styles.

Reasonings:
1.By having employees who have their own individual styles, the employees would feel more at ease and accepted at their job. Not all employees would look the same and the workers would not have to worry about their hair falling out of place or their tattoos showing. More concern could be put on the actual job at hand. (ethos)
2.Guests could relate better to the employees. If a guest had a certain look, say a Mohawk and multiple piercings, they would probably feel more at ease approaching an employee like themselves. (pathos)
3.Theme parks could hire more, and possibly better, employees. There are many people with strong styles who want to work for a theme park that go into the interview feeling confident; these people are then denied the job. If these candidates were fantastic applicants, the company just turned down many extraordinary future workers. In fact, some of these people could have been better employees than current theme park employees. (logos)
4.Theme parks would have a variety of different employees working in one place. With all these different types of people, new and innovative ideas are sure to come out. Thus, helping and furthering the company. (ethos)
5.The companies would not have to spend the money trying to get all employees to have a uniform look. It takes a lot of money to print the handbook guidelines for thousands of employees worldwide. (logos)

Prompt 8

Illustration of the Problem:

How would you like to be fired from your job because of your hair style, yet you were never told the restrictions? That is exactly what happened to several African American employees at Six Flags America in Largo, Maryland. Their managers approached them one day and told them that their hairstyles were inappropriate. The employees suggested that the employee handbook is biased against African Americans and that the managers said they wanted an ‘all-American’ look. The general manager, Terry Prather, claimed that yes the guidelines were not strictly enforced but Six Flags tell their employees that the company has been in business for a long time and they want standards. Mr. Prather claims the problem was that the park had a management switch so the rules did not transfer over to the new employees, such as the ones in this case. Mr. Prather also stated that he has not spoke to his management team yet about the guidelines and how they should be enforced, but he plans to. Without proper instructions, the employees cannot possibly know the ‘standards’. With these standards in place, the park employees are not allowed self-expression.

Core 3 Reflection

Finding sources for Core 3 was not as challenging as it seemed to be. Once I dove into my research, I found it easier to stumble upon sources that helped me tremendously. However, I did struggle with the thesis statement. I found it difficult to come up with a solution since the problem is not easily solved. The annotations were much easier than I expected them to be. Once I got the gist of it, they went by smoothly. Since all of my sources are useful to me in different ways, it was easy to describe their helpfulness to my essay. The resource hub was difficult at first since I did not understand the difference between ‘Definition of the Controversy’ and ‘Illustration of the Problem’. Thankfully, there were several examples on the blog site to help with my own resource hub. Overall, Core 3 was not as challenging as I expected it to be.

Resource Hub

Thesis Statement:
Some major theme parks do not allow employees to promote individualism therefore, the human resources department needs to fix their appearance guidelines in order to hire people with many different looks and styles.

Definition of the Controversy:
Everyday numerous people apply for jobs in the theme park industry. Many of these people are turned down simply because of their looks. Most major theme parks, such as Disney, Universal, and Six Flags, do not hire employees who have visible tattoos, multiple piercings, brightly dyed hair, or even too much facial hair. This poses a problem for those who are taking part in openly expressing themselves via style. The theme parks have a long list of looks and styles a potential employee cannot sport. By not hiring employees like those described, the theme parks are both limiting the number of future employees and also giving off the impression that the companies do not support self-expression. In order to fix this, the companies’ human resource department needs to revise their policies by allowing employees to show their personalities subtly during work hours. If employees were given just a little bit of leeway concerning appearances, the parks could have more, possibly better, workers.

Illustration of the Problem:
How would you like to be fired from your job because of your hair style, yet you were never told the restrictions? That is exactly what happened to several African American employees at Six Flags America in Largo, Maryland. Their managers approached them one day and told them that their hairstyles were inappropriate. The employees suggested that the employee handbook is biased against African Americans and that the managers said they wanted an ‘all-American’ look. The general manager, Terry Prather, claimed that yes the guidelines were not strictly enforced but Six Flags tell their employees that the company has been in business for a long time and they want standards. Mr. Prather claims the problem was that the park had a management switch so the rules did not transfer over to the new employees, such as the ones in this case. Mr. Prather also stated that he has not spoke to his management team yet about the guidelines and how they should be enforced, but he plans to. Without proper instructions, the employees cannot possibly know the ‘standards’. With these standards in place, the park employees are not allowed self-expression.

Sources:

Background Information:

http://afterthemouse.com/node/2521

https://www.wdwcollegeprogram.com/sap/its/mimes/zh_wdwcp/disneylook/disneylook.html

http://www.ushjobs.com/image.php

Support/Evidence:

Griffin, Emma. Email Interview. 27 Feb. 2010.

Koenig, David. Mouse Tales. Irvine: Bonaventure , 1994. Print.

Koenig, David. Realityland. Irvine: Bonaventure, 2007. Print.

http://www.icmrindia.org/CaseStudies/catalogue/Human%20Resource%20and%20Organization%20Behavior/Personal%20Appearances-The%20Changing%20HR%20Norms.htm

http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1291&dat=20030713&id=kvMPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=JY4DAAAAIBAJ&pg=4134,6004254

Opposing Viewpoints:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5503209

Prompt 7

Part 1:
Theme park corporations should allow all people to have an equal chance of obtaining a job so the parks can be more diverse and not exclude anyone with strong self-expression.
Individuals promoting self-expression are being banned from working in various theme parks. To stop this, the parks must be accepting of every applicant.
The theme park human resources department needs to fix their appearance guidelines in order to hire people with many different looks and styles.

Part 2:
The author of the article, Surveillance under the USA PATRIOT Act, made his point very clear to his audience. Firstly, the author states that, “Congress reversed course because it was bullied into it by the Bush administration…” By saying this, the author implies that he is not a fan of the Bush administration or of the new policies. I believe the thesis statement is the first sentence, “Just six weeks after the September 11 attacks, a panicked Congress passed the “USA Patriot Act,” an overnight revision of the nation’s surveillance laws that vastly expanded the government’s authority to spy on its own citizens, while simultaneously reducing checks and balances on those powers like judicial oversight, public accountability, and the ability to challenge government searches in court.” I believe this to be the thesis statement since we were taught that the statement begins with a problem and ends with the solution. Here, the problem is the September 11th attacks while the solution is the revised surveillance policies. I think the author should have expanded the problem a little bit more. It was a long sentence that we could have gotten lost in. Also, I don’t feel that his opinion is shown that strongly throughout.
The author defined the controversy in his ‘Why Congress Passed the Patriot Act’ section. The section explains the background of the surveillance policies as well as why they are revising them. Defining the controversy includes the history of the controversy and background necessary to understand the issue. The key terms in this article are the different policies and amendments; the author explains these throughout the article. The author explains the history and background in a very academic voice, yet it is underlying that he does not favor the new policies.

Part 3:
My Core II paper had some mistakes that could have been corrected, yet still I am confused about some. On my first page, I stated my research question “Is it justifiable for the parks to be preventing self-expression in its employees?” You commented on it, “Yes. It is justifiable but is it legal?” I don’t believe it is justifiable. I think that that is a personal opinion and the whole subject of my paper. Other than that, I understand why I was marked off for my mistakes. I think in total, I did fairly well on my paper dealing with the specificity. I need to improve on my citations. Overall, I am happy with my grade and I can take some things with me to make my Core III even better.

Prompt 6: Research Process

Usually my research process consists of me searching whatever the topic is online. I might not use reliable sources, but I am only using it for a light background of the topic. Once I have an idea of what I’ll be writing about, I start to look for reliable, scholarly sources. This might be a trip to the library or searching newspapers for articles pertaining to the topic. I have done this all of my high school and start of college career. It has worked for me for all of these years so I’d have to say it is successful. For the Core 2 paper, I did the same routine but went more in depth concerning my primary source. For this, I had to weigh my options of who to interview, when to interview them, what I would ask, etc. For Core 3, I know some of my sources are going to be the same as in Core 2. My last sources helped me tremendously and I don’t think I could have written my paper as successfully as I did without the aid of those sources. In addition to finding new, more in depth sources, I will also keep the older material.

I might break down my research question into categories such as:
-Background/ History of appearance guidelines
-Opposing viewpoints
-Supporting viewpoints
-Examples of law suits, etc.
-Evidence

My Core 2 would fall under the supporting viewpoints category. There were many sources that supported my idea that the image codes were unjustifiable. Some of those sources were in fact, articles from scholarly journals. An example of that would be the source that contained the statistics of how many employees quit after knowing the appearance guidelines at Disney.

Core 2 First Draft Review

My introduction does not contain a personal narrative; i'm not sure if this hurts the essay or not. Instead, I open with questions that open the readers minds. I believe the brief descriptions of the disney/universal policies work since my audience is not composed of theme park experts. I gave many examples of what is and isn't accepted in cast members. I'm not sure if there were too manye examples or if it was a good things that I had a lot. I have not yet included a primary source since the interview is currently underway. There is much room for improvement since that was just a draft, and I am certainly open to any suggestions!

Prompt 5: Medical Pot, Research Question & Core 1

Colby Buzzell had to go through a lot of research to get his medical marijuana card. Buzzell began with online research after stumbling across an article about high school students obtaining medical cards. He immediately called a physician to find out more. Buzzell failed to connect with the VA hospital so he searched medical marijuana doctors on his own. He finally got the clear to go and buy marijuana legally after all of his research was complete.
Buzzell was able to connect with his audience via chronological narrative. It is a very interesting story that pulls you in through the details of his struggling life. The fact that he tried so hard to obtain the marijuana card makes in engaging for the reader. He never gave up his search and audiences like a good story with struggle. Also, we can all relate to being placed on hold for eternity and giving up. The author attempts to search online for more information, but a ‘Page Not Found’ message appears on the screen causing even more frustration.
His personal narrative is arranged in a chronological order. By doing this, we read it like a novel and are fully engaged throughout the story. I could use this strategy in my Core II essay by incorporating each of my sources in a sequential order.

My research question so far, is ‘Are theme parks limiting self-expression with forbidding tattoos, piercings, dyed hair, etc.?’ My plan for the primary research is to interview a person who works in the recruitment/hiring field of a theme park. They would be able to tell me their company restrictions on hiring those with tattoos and things of that nature. I also want to find out if they make candidates change their look to fit a certain mold.

Background questions I could ask would be:
1.Tell me about your restrictions dealing with hair color, piercings, etc.
2.Are applicants ordered to change their look?
3.Has there ever been a law suit filed against this policy?
4.Where do religious accessories come into play?
5.Is this following all EEO laws?

Evaluative questions I could ask would be:
1.Do you think these restrictions are limiting the number of applicants?
2.What are your personal thoughts on this?
3.Where do you see the future of the company going if you are limiting self-expression?
4.What are your observations of the applicants looks?
5.Do you predict any strikes/law suits against the company?

For my secondary research, I could obtain journals relating to theme parks and the hiring process. There are many to choose from in the Rosen library.

When I received my Core I essay grade, I was a bit surprised. I was satisfied that I got an A, but it was a low A. To be honest, I was expecting a tad higher. There were two comma mistakes in the essay. You said that I should have connected the audience and the recession in more detail. Another point was that you said my conclusion paragraph was repetitive. I was trying to wrap up the essay and all my ideas, but you wanted me to give you something new. I was always taught to never introduce something new in the final paragraph.

Prompt 4: Research Questions

I have known what I wanted to pursue as a major for my entire high school career. It was the summer before my freshman year of high school that I applied for a job at my local amusement park. I was always interested in theme parks and different attractions and I wanted to get my feet wet in this profession. I got a job inside the arcade of the amusement park. My job wasn’t close to what I wanted to do in my future, but it did teach me some ropes of the industry, including guest services and also accounting. I was fortunate enough to get to work close to my managers and see what they did. I saw them in their offices making schedules for all the employees in the park, making sure payroll was perfect, and also going out into the arcade and fixing any problems guests were having. I wanted this same experience for when I got out of college, except I had bigger dreams. I wanted to be a manager that deals with attractions in a theme park, preferably Disney World or Universal. No one pushed me to my current major, hospitality management; I did all the research for myself and decided to take action. My high school guidance counselor even suggested that I not go into that field. She suggested that I go into fine arts since I did very well in all art programs at my high school. I knew that wasn’t where my heart lay and that hospitality was the right place for me.

1. How would a manager prevent ride accidents with risk management?

2. Are the parks limiting self-expression with forbidding tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair?

3. Why must all international parks run by Disney require executives to speak English?

4. Should smoking be banned entirely in theme parks?

5. What controversies will surface once Disney changes a beloved classic ride?

Core 1 First Draft Review

My draft for the Core 1 Essay allows much room for improvement. Firstly, it is evident that I repeat the words 'Disney' and 'vacation' often. Im not sure if my thesis should be stronger. I feel as if my description of the ad is detailed without dragging on. I talk about logical and emotional appeals, but I don't know if I should go into more detail with them. I think that I should add more to my conclusion paragraph. Throughout the essay, I believe the mechanics are decent excet for some minor problems. There is nothing that I wouldn't change since I'm always open to revisions.

Prompt 3: Narratives & Imagery

The author is able to create an interesting narrative by bringing up many stories that deal with the overall theme of derogatory terms in the public media. He uses examples of famous people who are most likely recognizable to us. The author exemplifies Borat, South Park, and Chappelle’s Show in order to grasp our attention. Once we are intrigued by the real-life television shows, we are given examples of how these shows use offensive language. We start to view these programs differently and want to hear more from the author of how they are inappropriate. We are being introduced with a narrative of Don Imus since we could recount a story we already know. From there, it goes on asking questions and giving more examples.

The author is capable of creating profound imagery by using situations already slightly known to us and then elaborating on them. This way, we enhance the visual we already have. If the writer simply kept quoting, we would have become uninterested and bored. The author only quoted the phrases used by the celebrities, not the entire conversation. For example, the author does not quote the entire lyrics of Eminem; he simply quotes one term Eminem used in a song.

Typically when I use quotes, I would utilize the entire sentence of what the person said to prove my point. What I have learned from this article is that it is only necessary to use a word or two. This way, your audience will pay closer attention to your side of the argument while using logical appeals. I now know for the Core I Essay that persuasion by logos is recommended since your followers want concrete evidence in the form of quotes and real-life examples. When establishing my voice conversationally, it is important that I use questions frequently to engage the listeners. The author of this article uses questions to provoke the reader into giving his or her own opinion and keep the audience thinking.

Prompt 2: Showing vs Telling

(734)
One of the most intriguing locations on campus, in my opinion, is located in the Math and Physics building. To get to this fascinating place, you must find the nearest elevator to the side entrance of the Math and Physics building. Once in the elevator, you must press the ‘3’ and the ‘4’ floor buttons simultaneously. The elevator will then bring you up to the fourth floor, which is a near pitch-dark boiler room. One member of your group must stay in the elevator since the elevator button in the boiler room does not function. When exploring this room, it is best to bring a flashlight since it is very difficult to find your way around the room; the only light is coming from the open elevator. The room has high ceilings and is full of pipes and old machines full of dust which might imply that this room is not visited often. There are some ladders bolted to the wall allowing for access to the second story of the boiler room- which I have not visited. In the darkest corner of the boiler room is a small door which will eventually lead you to the roof of the Math and Physics building. If you do happen to get stuck in the boiler room, there is a door hidden behind cardboard boxes leading to a well lit hallway. The old boiler room is a fun adventure that I suggest everyone conquer.
In a 2009 Walt Disney World commercial run on television, the idea behind the advertisement is that Disney is a magical, as well as affordable, place. The commercial begins with the typical American parents. The mother is casually dressed and on the family computer. The father, in the background, is in business casual attire and is pouring a cup of coffee in the kitchen. The next shot is of two ‘Dumbo the Flying Elephant’ ride vehicle set free and soaring above Cinderella Castle. It is a perfect and sunny day at Walt Disney World. In the next shot, a girl who appears to be five years old flips through a piano song book while at the piano. A moment later, we see a young boy, most likely two years older than the girl, at a desk doing homework.
The mother looks out of the window and sees the two elephants flying outside; she calls to her husband. We see the elephants soaring high above a city skyline. The mother is now at the computer once more with her husband. The spouses are very excited when they see on the monitor that they can spend a seven day, six night vacation at the Walt Disney World Resort for only $1,696. The little girl at the piano than looks up to the wall and sees a silhouette of the flying elephant. Both the girl and the boy stop what they are doing and run to the window to see the elephants. The next shot we see is the family riding in the Dumbo ride vehicles through the clouds and to Cinderella Castle. The Disney Company portrays Disney World as the perfect location for the average family’s vacation. The destination makes the whole family happy, the park is magical, and the whole experience is affordable for all.
I feel as if the Real World prompt was more difficult since I had to find a way to describe everyday items in a unique and personal way. In the Advertisement prompt, there was more to describe and the marketer’s subliminal meaning behind the advertisement. Many ads are memorable so the company tries its hardest to bring something distinctive to the consumers that they will remember. I was able to describe the ad well since I could keep looking at it for as long as I wanted to; I could keep finding new things. It is more difficult to spend a short amount of time at the Real World location and keep finding new things. The point of this prompt was to attempt to ‘show’ without actually physically showing. Ways this is possible are describing thoroughly and making someone feel as if they are actually there. On the other hand, telling is simply a quick description with abstract terms and summarizing adjectives. I tried my best to describe meticulously to create a sense that the reader was in the boiler room or watching the commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S5qdaqLsSg

Prompt 1: Detriments and Triumphs in My Writing Life

Emma Griffin
ENC 1102-0030
January 13, 2010
EmmaGriffin@Knights.ucf.edu
Detriments and Triumphs in My Writing Life
(600)
The only writings I perform on a normal basis are for some sort of class, whether it is English, History, or even Spanish. That might explain why most of the time, I do not care for writing essays. On the rare chance that I do enjoy it, the subject matter is of high interest to me. During my writing life there have been essays that I have been proud of, and some I have not. Personally, I do not feel comfortable when a teacher changes the format of an essay. For example, if I had been accustomed to writing essays in the third person, it would throw me off to write in first person suddenly. Furthermore, there have been writing skills that I feel I have mastered as well as ones I need help with.
When I start to write an essay, I go to my laptop and start typing away hoping the words will come flowing onto the screen. I have done this for most of my essays, and for a large majority of the time, it is successful. However, my most successful essays come from brainstorming ideas and prewriting on paper. My thoughts are then organized and come naturally. I try not to procrastinate, but sometime procrastination just happens for whatever reason. I enjoy finishing essays early since I get a feeling of accomplishment and relief. However, one might not understand the subject matter of the essay due to the teacher’s instructions, or lack thereof. I believe that how well you do in an English course, fully depends on the teacher or professor. If a teacher is engaging, interesting, and well-informed on the topic they are teaching, the student should succeed easily. My junior year English teacher insisted on writing the introduction paragraphs of our essays for us. This taught us nothing and the introductions were not even that well written.
The best essay I ever wrote was on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe called The Cask of Amontillado. The main reason I enjoyed writing the essay was that I fully enjoyed the story and the style used by Poe. Secondly, I was able to paradox two opposing settings in the story and use a multitude of detail. On the other hand, the worst essay I ever had to write was on “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. My teacher wanted us to choose a character from the novel and put ourselves in their shoes. Not only did I dislike the book, I did not relate to the characters. It was boring for me as well as difficult since I did not fully understand the book.
Incorporating quotes into essays has always been my strong point. For this reason, I usually do well on research papers. I need improvement on little things that I easily skip over while proof reading. My revision process is not an effective one. Usually, I will just reread my paper two or three times and sometimes give it to a friend to look over. I realize that I need to better my revision method. There are many things I need to work on this semester as a writer. Prewriting is definitely a necessary tool for success. Another goal of mine is to avoid procrastinating writing essays. It is a much more fulfilling feeling to be done with your work. Although I cannot change if I like the subject matter or not, but as long as I understand it, a successful paper will usually come. Writing is not something I do all the time, but is a major part of my scholastic life.