Core 2 First Draft Review

My introduction does not contain a personal narrative; i'm not sure if this hurts the essay or not. Instead, I open with questions that open the readers minds. I believe the brief descriptions of the disney/universal policies work since my audience is not composed of theme park experts. I gave many examples of what is and isn't accepted in cast members. I'm not sure if there were too manye examples or if it was a good things that I had a lot. I have not yet included a primary source since the interview is currently underway. There is much room for improvement since that was just a draft, and I am certainly open to any suggestions!

Prompt 5: Medical Pot, Research Question & Core 1

Colby Buzzell had to go through a lot of research to get his medical marijuana card. Buzzell began with online research after stumbling across an article about high school students obtaining medical cards. He immediately called a physician to find out more. Buzzell failed to connect with the VA hospital so he searched medical marijuana doctors on his own. He finally got the clear to go and buy marijuana legally after all of his research was complete.
Buzzell was able to connect with his audience via chronological narrative. It is a very interesting story that pulls you in through the details of his struggling life. The fact that he tried so hard to obtain the marijuana card makes in engaging for the reader. He never gave up his search and audiences like a good story with struggle. Also, we can all relate to being placed on hold for eternity and giving up. The author attempts to search online for more information, but a ‘Page Not Found’ message appears on the screen causing even more frustration.
His personal narrative is arranged in a chronological order. By doing this, we read it like a novel and are fully engaged throughout the story. I could use this strategy in my Core II essay by incorporating each of my sources in a sequential order.

My research question so far, is ‘Are theme parks limiting self-expression with forbidding tattoos, piercings, dyed hair, etc.?’ My plan for the primary research is to interview a person who works in the recruitment/hiring field of a theme park. They would be able to tell me their company restrictions on hiring those with tattoos and things of that nature. I also want to find out if they make candidates change their look to fit a certain mold.

Background questions I could ask would be:
1.Tell me about your restrictions dealing with hair color, piercings, etc.
2.Are applicants ordered to change their look?
3.Has there ever been a law suit filed against this policy?
4.Where do religious accessories come into play?
5.Is this following all EEO laws?

Evaluative questions I could ask would be:
1.Do you think these restrictions are limiting the number of applicants?
2.What are your personal thoughts on this?
3.Where do you see the future of the company going if you are limiting self-expression?
4.What are your observations of the applicants looks?
5.Do you predict any strikes/law suits against the company?

For my secondary research, I could obtain journals relating to theme parks and the hiring process. There are many to choose from in the Rosen library.

When I received my Core I essay grade, I was a bit surprised. I was satisfied that I got an A, but it was a low A. To be honest, I was expecting a tad higher. There were two comma mistakes in the essay. You said that I should have connected the audience and the recession in more detail. Another point was that you said my conclusion paragraph was repetitive. I was trying to wrap up the essay and all my ideas, but you wanted me to give you something new. I was always taught to never introduce something new in the final paragraph.

Prompt 4: Research Questions

I have known what I wanted to pursue as a major for my entire high school career. It was the summer before my freshman year of high school that I applied for a job at my local amusement park. I was always interested in theme parks and different attractions and I wanted to get my feet wet in this profession. I got a job inside the arcade of the amusement park. My job wasn’t close to what I wanted to do in my future, but it did teach me some ropes of the industry, including guest services and also accounting. I was fortunate enough to get to work close to my managers and see what they did. I saw them in their offices making schedules for all the employees in the park, making sure payroll was perfect, and also going out into the arcade and fixing any problems guests were having. I wanted this same experience for when I got out of college, except I had bigger dreams. I wanted to be a manager that deals with attractions in a theme park, preferably Disney World or Universal. No one pushed me to my current major, hospitality management; I did all the research for myself and decided to take action. My high school guidance counselor even suggested that I not go into that field. She suggested that I go into fine arts since I did very well in all art programs at my high school. I knew that wasn’t where my heart lay and that hospitality was the right place for me.

1. How would a manager prevent ride accidents with risk management?

2. Are the parks limiting self-expression with forbidding tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair?

3. Why must all international parks run by Disney require executives to speak English?

4. Should smoking be banned entirely in theme parks?

5. What controversies will surface once Disney changes a beloved classic ride?

Core 1 First Draft Review

My draft for the Core 1 Essay allows much room for improvement. Firstly, it is evident that I repeat the words 'Disney' and 'vacation' often. Im not sure if my thesis should be stronger. I feel as if my description of the ad is detailed without dragging on. I talk about logical and emotional appeals, but I don't know if I should go into more detail with them. I think that I should add more to my conclusion paragraph. Throughout the essay, I believe the mechanics are decent excet for some minor problems. There is nothing that I wouldn't change since I'm always open to revisions.